I’m beginning to think that Coconut does these things to give me something to write for sheer entertainment value. I hope opossums don’t come back to the scene of the crime. So here’s what happened. No lesson to learn, no nothing except the “bare” facts. Read on and you’ll get the pun.

That was not fun. Came home from book club and let Coconut out for his last pee of the night. He was acting weird, sniffing near areas he’d never found interesting. Our neighbor has a fence that is not terribly stable but that we thought was Coconut proof. We thought wrong.

How this guy can squeeze through the tightest spaces is truly beyond me. It’s like he was wearing doggy Spanx. He started barking like crazy and I ran in to call up to Gary to come to help me capture this dog.

Okay, I’m not sure how he thought he could help run after the dog throughout the neighborhood like a crazy person in what he was wearing. Err, not wearing. While I was questioning his sanity Coconut squeezed through the teeny space and headed under our porch. Cue barking. Coconut rarely barks and it’s never for very long. He was going ballistic. I run inside to get the treat bag which I proceeded to shake like crazy crying, “Wanna treat? Coconut, here’s a treat.” Not even close to being interested.

I’m hyperventilating and stressing because I have visions of the cops being called by neighbors who are the ones routinely being the reason for the police to be called. I can only imagine the police officer’s reaction to my husband’s state of undress. Then Gary gets the flashlight and is able to tell me there is a hissing opossum under the porch. I yell at Gary to go get a broom so that he can swipe under there with the broom till a.) Coconut comes out, b.) the opossum runs out and goes far, far away from us or c.) the opossum gets knocked out with the broom.

Now would have been the best time for the police with a delirious guy waving a broom while the dog barks. Then I look up at the neighbor’s window. I didn’t see a phone but I would not be surprised if it’s on YouTube tomorrow.

Coconut runs out and I can’t capture him and then he goes right back under the porch to bark. More broom waving and, success! Opossum runs out, Coconut right on his heels, if they have heels, and he is a full-sized fat thing. The barking continues and Coconut is running back and forth in the bushes and trees trying to get the offender. I think he was finally worn out and was happy being captured by Gary. Coconut, not the other creature.

Dog gets into the house and saunters over to the water bowl and empties it. Gary goes upstairs without one word.

Tomorrow I have to see what kind of damage was done to my hostas, they are one step up from weeds so they will be fine, and then we, meaning Gary, has to figure out how to Coconut-proof this area of the neighbor’s fence. We need a fence. The other side is as trashy as possible because it’s plastic lattice and bungee cords. Yeah, that’s going to last.

So, anything exciting happen in your yard last night?

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